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AARP Rewards is here to make your next steps easy, rewarding and fun! Learn more. All of which is to say that by the time I lost my husband to heart and kidney disease, I was the poster girl for what it was like to live in a sexless marriage. We lived together until my husband’s death but years before we had stopped kissing, hugging or even holding hands. Occasionally I tangibly missed how when he held open a door for me, he would place his hand on the small of my back and gently guide me through. Even that stopped as his illness led to personality changes. For the last years of our marriage, he would just charge through doorways and let the door slam on all who followed — including me. I understood it was the disease speaking and tried not to let it bother me.

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There are many reasons men and women have an interest in dating. They range from just wanting to have fun, the desire to meet interesting people, the need or want for sex, or the biggie: the hope of falling in love. But what if you have an interest in dating, but wish to take sex off the table? Is that realistic in today’s society and is it even possible when you’re over 40? My gut reaction to this question is, why does dating have to equate to sex?

Not just for dating over 40, but for any age? I look at dating and sex as going hand in hand if the chemistry and situation is right, but I think the two are mutually exclusive until that happens. I think people put way too much pressure on themselves when it comes to sex. Having sex seems to be everyone’s biggest fear–men and women–in dating after divorce, which is understandable because it is a vulnerable, scary time where self-esteem isn’t at its best.

I have to wonder if there are expectations from daters when it comes to sex. I, personally have no expectations of sex or no sex when dating, and I don’t think there are any rules when it comes to dating and sex. If someone tells me he or she went on a first date and had sex, I don’t judge.


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Love, relationships, and romance satisfy a need in many of us that is as strong, if not stronger, than our sex drive. To address this problem, 2date4love. After surviving months of chemotherapy and radiation treatment for cervical cancer , Brashier discovered that the damage done to her vaginal tissue made sex painful. In addition to a sudden loss of her love life, Brashier found it difficult to meet romantic partners who could handle or understand her limitations.

As a result, she started 2date4love. Since its launch at the beginning of August, the website has gained more than 1, members. Like any other dating site you can upload photos, fill out a profile with your interests, and describe the type of relationship you are looking for—which presumably is not a sexual one. For all the website’s claims of intimacy without sex, I still wonder how much sex, or at least sex appeal and sex drive, play in finding a love connection.

Just because Brashier can no longer have vaginal intercourse does not mean that she would not be open to other forms of physical intimacy. Similarly, even though prostate cancer leaves many sufferers impotent, this does not stop them from enjoying alternative forms of sex. With that in mind, I wonder if the site is really for individuals who are seeking partners who understand and accept their sexual limitations.

Also, it will be interesting to see how the demography of the site compares to other dating sites, which are notoriously overloaded with horny men. On a dating site where sex is off the table, will men become the sex that is in-demand?

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